i have to stay open to the pain
shutting down did not help
it did not stop the slide into nothing
shutting down does not help
shutting down buries the pain.
shutting down does not make me stronger
shutting down does not make me stronger
shutting down is breathing but not living
the need to create
the need to be noticed
the need to be recognized
the art of symbols
the value of the word
paint on
rock
on metal
on asphalt
on brick
the acknowledgment of existence
apologies to the cats
I know
I know
I have brought chaos into the house
again
you were satisfied
you were content
with the status quo that was before
but
the universe had other plans
I hope today
you embrace it
and stop chasing it
up and down the stairs
I live in a house of the hungry
the dog
and the cats
and me
Deprived in our youth
we all have a sweet tooth
we're hollow
and
can never be filled
hello sofa my old friend
I've come to nap on you again
because divisions in the night le me know something is not right
so I tossed until I turned
and so I find that I have learned
when I cannot sleep at night
there is no reason to take flight because
in the morning or the afternoon
I can return
and soon
I will say
hello sofa my old friend
I've come to nap on you again
retirement rocks
trying
trying to change
the paradigm
for the last Sunday in July
being the last day
to deny
the day my soul shrunk
the day
my heart locked itself up in fear and hurt and pride
trying to change
the paradigm
to the first day
the doctors
kept you from dying
for all that is is not
it is
and I am thrilled
to have
what
is
I cry as much for joy
from joy
with joy
as I do
with pain
with self pity
with anger
with longing
with loathing
