i have to stay open to the pain
shutting down did not help
it did not stop the slide into nothing
shutting down does not help
shutting down buries the pain.
shutting down does not make me stronger
shutting down does not make me stronger
shutting down is breathing but not living
the need to create
the need to be noticed
the need to be recognized
the art of symbols
the value of the word
paint on
rock
on metal
on asphalt
on brick
the acknowledgment of existence
apologies to the cats
I know
I know
I have brought chaos into the house
again
you were satisfied
you were content
with the status quo that was before
but
the universe had other plans
I hope today
you embrace it
and stop chasing it
up and down the stairs
I live in a house of the hungry
the dog
and the cats
and me
Deprived in our youth
we all have a sweet tooth
we're hollow
and
can never be filled
hello sofa my old friend
I've come to nap on you again
because divisions in the night le me know something is not right
so I tossed until I turned
and so I find that I have learned
when I cannot sleep at night
there is no reason to take flight because
in the morning or the afternoon
I can return
and soon
I will say
hello sofa my old friend
I've come to nap on you again
retirement rocks
trying
trying to change
the paradigm
for the last Sunday in July
being the last day
to deny
the day my soul shrunk
the day
my heart locked itself up in fear and hurt and pride
trying to change
the paradigm
to the first day
the doctors
kept you from dying
for all that is is not
it is
and I am thrilled
to have
what
is
I cry as much for joy
from joy
with joy
as I do
with pain
with self pity
with anger
with longing
with loathing
Ghosts
Trees try to make a stand
trapped by the water from the land
Ice sentries advance
there is no chance
there is no escape
Trees no longer stand
last in the battle
between the water and the land
Mother Nature
Mother Nature's come to play
She uses tricks to have her way
She's trying hard to blow us all away
Best let her claim victory for today,
stay quiet, indoors and out of her way.
Garden
Here we both are
in the fading light,
a mother and daughter,
a gardeners delight.
The flowers unplanted,
the grass not yet grown.
the gardens been turned, seeds waiting to be sewn.
You play with your ball, or dig in the dirt,
and I sit
and I watch
and hope for you good things from this planet earth.
And when you are grown, with a life of your own,
please think of me when ,
in the fading light,
you sit as I now sit
in a garden at night.
Nancy
January 15, 1956 - June 15, 2022
Anyone who knew Nancy or anyone who knew of Nancy knows she lived her life in superlatives.
She saw everyone through the prism of her own daily struggles and her own genius
No matter what you shared with her, from the perils of driving to work in the snow, to solving how to arrange furniture in a small space it was reflected back to you in brilliant colors of how incredible a job you'd done.
Nothing in Nancy's world was mundane. No one in Nancy's world was mundane. All of us were amazing people, brilliant in our own way and she was happy we could share our insights with her. I do not know if she knew it was not our brilliance being shared with her but her brilliance, and her resilience, being reflected back at her.
She loved her brother Philip. She loved her sister Valerie. She often told me how very ,very pleased she was that they cared so much for her and took such good care of her. She worried that they were going to exhaust themselves traveling to advocate for her as much as they did but she was glad that when she was too tired to talk to a doctor or when medical staff disregarded her input into her own care ,she could rely on them.
She was generous, always.
Generous with money when she had it, generous with time, generous with praise and generous with sharing her talents - writing resumes for 67 plus people she encountered during her years in nursing homes.
There are two things she desperately wanted to still do in this life; one was to get back to Brooklyn and see her beloved Bea again and the other was to go back to Saratoga.
I believe she will find a way to do both now that she’s not encumbered with a body that does not work.
She loved horse racing , she loved learning as much as she could about a horse and placing that bet and collecting that win. She always hoped to return to Saratoga and now she can. If you're at the track this summer don't be surprised when in the corner of your eye you catch a glimpse of Nancy , sipping a martini with a twist, . cheering her horse to that finish line
Nancy
January 15, 1956 - June 15, 2022
Covid
tape dispenser = toy
dish = toy
door = toy
wall = toy
extension cord = toy
blankets = toy
shoes = toy
shoe laces = toy
blanket = toy
card board = toy
card box, plastic box, wooden box = toy
toes = toy
fingers = toy
drapes = toy
chair = toy
carpet, yoga mat, suitcase, closet door, straps on shopping bags, pocket books , comb, brush, empty Sheba container /unopened Sheba = toy,toy,toy, toy ............................ toy
everything above, below, along side, seen and un seen = toy
sibling = toy
Momma's tail = toy
We all come to this
and yet we are never ready
we all come to this
some fight
some sigh
most deny
many cry
we all come to this
and we're always surprised
we all come to this
we still fight
we still murder
we still lie
Happy To You
If someone says Happy Holidays to you - Thank them. Wish them the same
If someone says Merry Christmas to you - Thank them. Wish them the same
If someone wishes you Happy Chanukah, Kwanza, Diwali, Yule tide - whatever/whichever glad tiding they offer you - say Thank you. People are wishing you Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas for the joy of sharing their hope of a peace filled season of light with you.
You are free to wish others the greeting of your choosing, there is no ban on saying Merry Christmas. Someone saying Happy Holidays is not an attack on Christmas, long before television and nightly news programs people were saying Happy Holidays as a greeting.
Not all people are Christian; not even those that celebrate with a Christmas Tree and Santa. Not every person living in the U.S.A. is a descendent of those that populated Plymouth Plantation and there are cultural festivals leading up to Christmas for many non Anglo-Saxon cultures.
This should be a joy filled time of year for reflection and well wishes. Offer your wish with joy and love and accept the Happy Holiday or the Merry Christmas or the Happy New Year with joy and gratitude.
