You do not 

ever

have to forgive me

because

I am never 

forgiving

myself 

Deeply

 

Ours

 is

                    a

                    Deeply

                    troubled

                    Household

                    where

                    Depression

                    and 

                    Inertia

                    meet

                    and

                    Mutate

                    into

                    Nothing

 

Will

 

The day goes where it wants

and  some days I

follow

The day goes where it wants

and some days I 

beg

cry

plead

The day goes where it will

21

 21 days

22 days

23

0

reset

29 

and counting 

with observances

in between

daily cry

 I get you're busy

I get you're probably confused

                                        angry

                                        scared

                                        doubtful

                                        insecure

                                        scared

                                        overwhelmed

                                        sad

It is about you and it is not about me. 

it hurts

    

 

Voice

 Still afraid of the sound of my own voice 

Stuff

 Sometimes

I am sad

I think of all the things I didn't do

all the missed opportunities but

most of the time

I am glad

and amazed by my life 

and that I am alive

and where I am 

sitting on the sofa holding up an old cat

is where I am supposed to be 

**********************

I used to like the wind

and storms

but 

that was before

now

I know what pain is

I know what loss is

*******************

trying 

to be in the moment

trying

not to think of the moments I have not be in